"What do you mean, what do I want?"

Over the past few years I have become increasingly sensitive to the words that people use to express their hopes, dreams and thoughts for the future. I will be interested and pleased to read your comments, ideas and criticisms on what follows.

Imagine a conversation between a couple of friends that goes something like this:

Two familiar people have just sat down to drink a coffee.

Friend 1 "So, what have you been up to lately?"
Friend 2 "Worrying a lot, and doing what I have to do to get by."
F1 "What have you been worrying about?"
F2 "Oh, you know, life and stuff, asking myself, where am I going, what am I going to do."
F1 "That sounds a bit deep."
F2 "It is!"
F1 "So what do you want?"
F2 "What do you mean, what do I want?"
F1 "Well I read somewhere that if you are clear about what you want, say it out loud or write it down then that's what you get"
F2 "Really? Well your question is a tough one for me to answer because I can only think of a list of what I don't want....."

Here is where I jump in to share a few discoveries which you already know lots about.

One of the first things I learned during the early days of my NLP training is that our brains have huge problems processing negative statements and ideas. What do I mean?

Well imagine that you are a child and you are walking through a public space. You see a sign "Keep off the grass". What do you want to do?

Alternatively, someone says, "Don't touch". What do you feel compelled to do?

To over emphasis the point. What is the first thing that comes into your mind after reading each of these statements?

"Don't think of a black cat"
"Don't worry about money"
"Don't look for trouble"
"Don't think of a green balloon"

***** Tip, always state things in the positive, because that's what your brain does naturally.

There are many more people who understand the Law of Attraction better than me. However, I feel that I have had enough life experiences to agree with the truth that we get what we focus on in our lives. So why not get some useful practice in and state what we want in a positive way? *****

Back to our coffee drinking friends:

F1 "So what is it that you don't want?"

Aside: Friend 2 then goes on to list a lot of various things (too long to write here but let's just say the list of negative statements has got a lot to do with lack of health, wealth, happiness and love)

F1 again "But that's what you have got in life"
F2 "I know and I don't want any of them!!!!"

How would you steer the next part of this conversation between friends?

Calculating your CTQ, where might it lead you?

The scoring and CTQ calculation is straightforward.

Step 1) Add the scores for each of the odd numbered questions to create the first total - T1
Then do the same for the even numbered questions.to create the second total - T2

Step 2) Your CTQ =T1 minus T2 So simply subtract the second total from the first. This produces the snapshot result. As there are 15 odd numbered and 15 even numbered questions each with a possible score of 0 to 10, this means that your CTQ will fall into the range of -150 to +150.

Now for a metaphor.

Think about the steps for setting up a hot air balloon before you are set to fly.


Very early in the process you will need to spread out the balloon on the ground, attach the basket and gas cylinders. Before the burner is lit and hot air is fanned into the balloon something very important needs to be done. Ballast is added and the basket is tethered to the ground with several lines to prevent the balloon from taking off.

As the hot air fills the balloon's canopy it starts to rise. Each blast on the burner uses energy to create more hot air. Soon, no matter how much additional energy you put into trying to fly, you realise that it is impossible to take off. What is holding you back? What needs to be done next in order to fly?

For me adjusting the energy used to raise the balloon is like the value of the answers to Tony Buzan's odd numbered questions. The higher the value the higher I can fly. Of course the even numbered results are powerful too. The smaller the number the easier it is to fly without wasting excessive energy.

In other words flying high becomes inevitable when you know how to make the appropriate adjustments.

I trust that this has been useful for you in some way.

Regards

Stephen

Thinking about Change

In his book Embracing Change, Tony Buzan suggested 30 questions to calculate your CTQ or change thinking quotient. If you would like to have a go, here are the questions and scoring instructions.

Questionnaire (source Tony Buzan)

Score each of your answers in the range from 0 to 10
where 10= Very true 0 = Not at all true

1 I have a clear vision of what I want to achieve in life
2 I find it hard to react positively if my plans are disrupted unexpectedly
3 I am confident that if I decide to do something, it will be accomplished
4 I often feel helpless
5 I enjoy the opportunity to tackle new tasks and challenges
6 I'm not very good at learning new things
7 I think in pictures
8 I often find that problems prevent me from taking action
9 I am not afraid to challenge the status quo
10 I often have to explain to people why things can't be done
11 I regularly plan ahead
12 I often rely on my gut feelings
13 I enjoy leading and inspiring others
14 I often find that I don't really care about the outcome of a situation
15 I am creative
16 I never have enough time to put my ideas into action
17 I regularly take holidays and break up my working day
18 I am tired of feeling broke
19 I enjoy working as part of a team
20 I am often prevented from doing things through fear or nervousness
21 I have a 'can do' attitude
22 I regularly tell myself not to be so stupid
23 I like my body
24 I dread the idea of getting older
25 I have a healthy and varied diet
26 I keep meaning to get fit
27 I take (and enjoy) regular exercise
28 I often feel that things in my life are not fair
29 I am a generally happy person
30 I feel trapped by my current situation


In a future post I shall show you how Buzan suggests that you calculate your CTQ (which like all such tests is a just a personal preference at the time of the test i.e. there are no right or wrongs just some useful feedback).

I will also share some ideas, by way of an analogy, about understanding change as a personal and business source of energy.

Regards


Stephen

The Winning Line

You are invited to share your comments, criticisms, ideas and other points that you may have on what follows. You may do this publicly by adding a comment to this blog or privately by emailing stephen@executivematters.com. Please feel free to forward this to interested friends and colleagues as long as you respect our copyright.

The Winning Line

Have you ever noticed the range of reactions within you whenever you have encountered a lazy person or someone who seems to have given up? Do you ever feel grateful for the encounter, in the sense that you don’t want to be like them?

In sport there are thousands of stories about people who have turned their lives around by setting themselves personal challenges. These might be a glittering dream, such as winning a gold medal at the Olympics, playing in a local league or turning an aspiration into a reality by participating in some form of appropriate physical and/or mental exercise.

Sport, and competition, is such a common and deep experience in our lives, it is no surprise that business leaders and other people often adopt sporting metaphors. I suspect that you are already remembering many of the familiar workplace phrases that derive from sport. Perhaps you use them yourself on a weekly, if not daily, basis? Examples include: “Be part of a winning team”, “We are the Champions” or “I want to reach the top”. The possible number of phrases seems to be endless yet two themes seem to weave their way through nearly all sporting metaphors. These are participation and winning.

You may well have had a past experience of participating in, or attending some kind of competitive event. It might be something as simple as a childlike card game (snap, trumps etc), a board game (monopoly, chess etc), a field sport (football, hockey etc) or other competition (running, jumping, rowing etc). As you participated it is likely that you experienced many different thoughts, feelings and other emotions.

A common experience, after crossing the “winning line”, is for winners to celebrate and commiserate while losers tend to pick themselves up and throw down a challenge for a rematch. They might say something like; “Best of three!” or “Let’s have another game!” or “I’ll see you next week!”. Rarely is the response after just a single attempt a short sentence such as; “That’s it. I’ve had a go and I am going to give up right now”.

In other words sport, and competition, is something in which everyone has the opportunity to participate again and again, at a level that is appropriate for them. Like life, it is a process and not a single event.

Recently, I have had a series of interesting one-to-one conversations with people whom I had never met before. Three particular conversations stick in my mind. They each demonstrate some familiar, recognisable and all too common traits. The three very different individuals concerned shared some strikingly common characteristics in their thinking about their future. Each person was:

• in their early thirties
• judging themselves to have had limited career success
• feeling that the race was over and that they had missed their chance

Where on earth did this all too common self-defeating programming or reaction to life’s challenges come from? Why was it, after participating in a single career race, they had self-determined that they were “past it” and so had convinced themselves that were on the brink of giving up?

By now you are probably ahead of me in realising something about their particular view of business and their personal career paths. I suggest that each person was demonstrating lazy thinking i.e. they had not examined our business and sporting competition metaphor in an appropriate context. It was almost as if a single event had determined that they should give up before the tournament had started to run.

Unlike our physical muscles, our mental facilities do not have a “predetermined” point at which they peak out and then decline. This is not surprising that when you consider the behaviour of the most successful business people (as well as older athletes and other competitors). A common feature is their success consciousness. Within it is their sustaining attitude that each setback or loss is seen as an opportunity to learn, a chance to adjust and a source of powerful motivation to succeed. Each and every success is seen as a reason to celebrate and move on.

Now for the twist in this tale: If your aim is to enjoy current and future success then the definition of your personal winning line can be very different to how you might have been historically trained to think about it.

My suggestion is to dismiss, as inappropriate, unhelpful and dangerous, the idea that the winning line is a metaphorical strip of white paint marking the end of a single race or event.

Instead, consider it to be a unique pathway that, as a succeeding participant, you are able to map out for yourself (often with the skilled coaching from others).

Along your personal winning line there will be a series of short horizontal ticks that mark out past successes and failures. Looking to the future you can clearly see the next series of challenges that you wish to tackle.

You are literally looking forward to the fun and games, can’t wait for the next challenge and already using your heart and mind to become the best that you truly can train yourself to be.

Considering this definition in the light of the alternative strategy adopted by the three people mentioned above, you might consider now to be the time to make you own choices. Choices about how, not if, you dream, design and then walk your personal winning line.

April 2006

Stephen Cotterell

Director

© 2006 Executive Matters Limited
www.executivematters.com

Mind the Gap... 3 practical tips!

Have you ever surprised yourself at what you have been able to do?

What’s in the gap between where you are now and where you want to be?

What part did your ‘mindset’ play in your success or failure?

One of my favourite quotes is “Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you are probably right!”… what do you think about this? Was Henry Ford right in implying that our success or failure is largely determined by what we think is possible or not?

Assuming that Ford is right, as supported by the most successful sportsmen and women, and the most powerful business executives, we must nurture our minds to enable us to achieve our potential. So, what are you not doing that you are capable of doing now? And, what’s stopping you from doing it? Where is your mindset taking you and is that where you want to go?

May I offer you 3 tips on taking control and reducing the gap between where you are now and your aspirations…

• Focus on what you WANT… if you find yourself regularly thinking and talking about what you don’t want, you will probably be getting more of it than what you really want. What would be possible if you start now and focus on what you really want…

• Be your own best friend… we are more often than not our own worst critic and far from being our own best friend… what is it like having someone on the inside criticising you and pulling you down on a regular basis? What would it be like if that person inside was your greatest fan and gave you complements and praise everytime things go well and looked for the lessons rather than critising you in those situations that don’t go to plan…

• Believing it’s possible… take time to think carefully about what you really believe to be true about what you want… do you have even the slightest doubt that it is not possible to achieve? What if you were to regularly tell yourself that “where there is a will there is a way” and that you will find the way by being your own best friend and learning from the challenges along the way…

In essence, be supportive and directive to your mind… it is truly a powerful tool that can be used to your benefit or your detriment… it is up to you!!

Should you think that you are not making the most of this powerful tool and would like to train your mind to experience what you are truly capable of, why not get in touch with us and see how Executive Matters can help you… www.executivematters.com

Caron Chung
12 April 2006

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Stephen Cotterell
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Executive Matters Limited

Winning the hearts & minds of others (3) - We cannot fail to communicate...

We cannot fail to communicate…

It is widely understood that over 90% of our communication is not in the words that we use! Research indicates that the tone of our voice, our gestures and the way we hold ourselves are perhaps more important than the actual words themselves and if this is true, then in the presence of others, we cannot fail to communicate, even when we are ‘saying’ nothing verbally…

To be most effective in our communication, it is therefore important to be aware of the messages that we may be conveying in our non-verbal behaviour and actions. Our ability to communicate in a clear and consistent manner, both verbally and non-verbally is at the root of our ability to communicate with integrity and with maximum effect.

For more information on how to communicate with integrity and influence, contact us...

By Caron Chung, Executive Matters Ltd

Winning the hearts & minds of others (2) - Do they want to?

Do they want to...?

Recent research by The Executive Elevator on aspirations and challenges in the workplace, suggests that more than 50% of people are under-performing at work! The implications of this on performance are significant. If people are generally not interested or motivated by what they do or why they are doing it, it follows that they will not do the best they can. Understanding what drives another persons actions, their values and motivations, enables effective communicators to make a deep connection with their audience. Our values and motivators can be identified by understanding what is really important to us.

In the workplace, people are frequently misunderstood believing that the underlying reason why we do what we do is attributed primarily to financial reward. Research indicates that this is important, but there are other driving forces which are often as, if not more, important and underpin strong performance at work. These factors include work-life balance, recognition, respect and fun, reflecting personal values and attitudes.

Recognising and representing the values of others in our communication significantly impacts the ‘want to’ factor, thereby affecting the quality of people performance and working relationships, particularly in times of change.

What could leaders do to maximise the "Want to..." factor in business and personal performance?

For more information on the "Want to..." factor, give us a call.

by Caron Chung, Executive Matters Ltd

Winning the hearts and minds of others (1) - Communication Styles

... for managing and implementing successful change
… for achieving consistently high performance
… for improved and effective communication

“Nothing is so powerful as an insight into human nature…
what compulsions drive a man, what instincts dominate his actions…
if you know these things about a man you can touch him at the core of his being.” - William Bernbach (1911-1982)

Poor communication is one of the main challenges affecting performance, morale and satisfaction in the workplace. It is also one of the cornerstones to achieving ‘excellence’...

It is proposed that a secret for successful and powerful communication lies in our ability to connect with others at different levels, including the use of our gestures, the tone of our voice, our posture, as well as our words. A really powerful communicator deeply understands the audience and communicates in such a way as to connect with them on many levels (beyond the words he/she uses), winning over their hearts and their minds…

To help you master this fundamental skill for managing and connecting with others, here are a few of the key components of powerful and effective communication:

People are all different… don’t treat them all the same!

An ability to ‘read’ the behaviour and communication style of others is a fundamental skill, particularly for inspirational and effective leadership. A ‘one size fits all’ approach to communication will not get the response that is intended much of the time.

Whilst everyone is different, the concept of behaviour styles dates back to Hippocrates around 400BC and has been evolved and extensively used in organisations around the world to improve team performance, communication, selling skills, leadership development and even recruitment. There are varying models for categorising and identifying behaviour and communication styles and preferences.

It is important to note that no two people are the same and in practice people are far more complex than a high level behaviour profiling model suggests. However, with an awareness of differing styles and the possible preferred communication approach of others, it is possible to start to recognise how by treating different people differently the outcome of our communication with them can be more effective. No communication style is any better than another, they are simply different and each is extremely effective in different situations.

Where could you benefit from a greater understanding about how to communicate with influence and effect - every time?!

For more information give us a call or e-mail us...

by Caron Chung, Director of Executive Matters Ltd

The Mixing Desk

**** Opinion Alert *****

I have no evidence to support this. Have you?

One of the problems that smart, (traditionally) highly intelligent people have is that we habitually spend much so much time "living in our heads". That is to say that we are only using part, albeit a big part, of our intelligence system. A critical part of our processing capacity relies upon our neurons. Check out the idea that these can be found throughout our body. There are big clusters around our heart, gut etc (I am eternally grateful to Andy Smith for opening me up to this idea). You know the parts of the system that can provide a different perspective or insight to a developmental challenge.

Recently I have been playing with the idea of Applied Intelligence.

To see what I could possibly mean I wonder if you can visualise a mixing desk in a recording studio or on a computer screen? One like this but much, much better with an enormous number of faders (sliders)?

Each control is named with a particular type of intelligence. You are already familiar with this idea I know yet you might like to bear with me a little longer.

IQ
EQ
SQ
WQ
CTQ
PQ
FQ
LQ
TQ
RQ
IrQ
VQ
JQ
CQ
ExQ
GQ
etc
etc

Each of these are under our control and are adjusted to blend or produce a particulary useful application of combined intelligences. Often relying upon good old IQ with a dash of EQ might be enough. Just think how much better our personal life experiences and choices that we make might make could be as we access and apply our intelligence appropriately for the context? What if we pulled back on some levels and increased others, just for a moment?

Regards


Stephen
p.s. I have no idea what the labels above might mean to you. Here are my thoughts, please feel free to add, change or develop the labels anyway you wish:


IQ - Intellience Quotient
EQ - Emotional
SQ - Spiritual
WQ - Wealth (not just financial)
CTQ - Change Thinking Quotient (originated by Tony Buzan)
PQ - Personal/Physical
FQ - Fun
LQ - Love
TQ - Trust
RQ - Rational
IrQ - Irrational
VQ - Vocal
JQ - Judgemental
CQ - Creative
ExQ - External
GQ - Global
etc
etc